March for Babies

Our March for Babies to support the March of Dimes was this Sunday. Here are a few pics of the boys. Elias is holding a beanie baby that we used to measure his size in the NICU and Carson is holding one of his first size diapers from his NICU days. They certainly have come a long way and we have to thank the March of Dimes for their research in prematurity for helping them be here. A special thanks to everyone who helped support our walk this year. Research into the causes and effects of prematurity is vital to all of us.

A close-up of Elias' shirt

Elias with his NICU beanie baby bear

Elias today with his NICU beanie

Close-up of Carson's shirt

Carson in the NICU w/ his first diaper

Carson today with the same size diaper

And finally..... a kiss goodbye!

Scootin' Around

Yesterday Al and I surprised the boys with a trip to Target to buy them each a brand new scooter. Target had many different styles on sale for $19 and we thought they would be the perfect thing to take on our camping weekends instead of hauling their bikes along with us. Carson picked out a two wheeler Spiderman scooter because he was "big enough to balance like the cool kids". Eli insisted on following suit with the Spiderman theme and grabbed up a three wheeled webbed design of his very own. Our car couldn't get home fast enough!! The boys [not] so patiently watched us put their new toys together and then hit the pavement. Literally. For both of them.

It was a learning experience and a bandaid and some kisses later, the two of them were out scooting around the sidewalks again. Carson is a pro because he has been practicing at Gigi and Bobpop's house since last summer on their scooters. Eli has a long way to go. Yesterday was more of an "I'll stand on it Daddy and you push me" kind of day for Mr. E. Today the little stinker caught on after watching Carson glide with freedom up and down the block. Jealousy is a wonderful motivator. Thank goodness the weather has been absolutely perfect for outside play the past few days. The boys have come in for bedtime covered from head to toe in dirt and scrapes ready for baths and bedtime stories. How I have longed for the spring to come so our little explorers could get grubby like little boys should. I would strongly suggest picking up a scooter if you have young kiddos for a cheap and fun spring/summer outside toy. They are fantastic! (the bonus core strength and balance PT training Eli will be getting is just a plus!!)

Cheers!

Eli has yet another video swallow study (VSS) this morning. I have lost count on how many this makes for our little man but the number is getting way up there. He did great and Al and I couldn't be more proud of him. Thankfully we do not have to go back to thickening everything again but modifications are necessary to help protect Eli's airway from aspiration. If someone would have told me that almost three years into this micropreemie journey we would STILL be dealing with aspiration and dysphagia, I wouldn't have believed it. We have come a l-o-n-g way though.

This morning Eli was well behaved and cooperative for once and followed directions to the letter. We should have taken the video camera :) With a sippy cup including a valve, Eli was safe on thin liquids!!! Unfortunately he demonstrated extremely large boluses, deep laryngeal penetration, and high risk for aspiration when drinking out of an open cup or sippy with no valve. Eli loves being a big boy and using open cups but everyone agreed that he is no longer allowed to touch the things and must go back to "baby cups" as he calls them. So, Al and I are off to shop for some new sippy cups with valves to replace his super cool big boy cups that match all of his plate sets. After his cyanotic episode last Wednesday from aspirating Starbucks' Apple Spice, we aren't taking any chances. I never want to see Eli trying to imitate a smurf again!!

As for the pocketing of food and choking on solids, the OT and speech therapist recommended Eli start back with feeding therapy at school. They said that because he is hypotonic (low tone) in his mouth and most of his trunk that he doesn't realize there is that much food in his mouth or what to do with it. They also think there may be some sensory issues involved as well. So, back to the drawing table to get Eli eating meats and breads safely. It will all be worth it though. He has already come so far with his tube feeds and therapy. Someday we may just get rid of that MIC-key button after all!

Al and I are so proud of our little man. He is chugging along and taking baby steps to get there the entire time charming the lead vents off the radiologists, therapists, and doctors. Boy are we in trouble....

Finders, Keepers

****POST REMOVED****

Just living life...

... one day at a time. I have been working a bunch of hours in the past few weeks to help make up for my missed time from surgery and to pay off our never-ending medical bills. Adding two shifts a week has been a bit exhausting but it has allowed me to prioritize the time I have off from work into more meaningful time with Al and the boys. Carson and Eli are getting so grown up and it seems like everyday they are learning a million new things and adding to their increasingly complex personalities. It is a wonderful evolution. How can they be closing in on turning 3 and 5 in two short months??? I no longer have babies (or even toddlers) and we are chugging full force into a truly fun-filled time.

Carson is growing like a weed on Miracle Grow right now. His appetite is ferocious and our grocery bill is expanding weekly. I can only imagine what it will be like when they boys are teenagers!! The all boy phase of army play accompanied by fake gun noises and gear has begun in addition to potty jokes that can have him hyperventilating on the floor like a silly school girl. Gotta love little boys. Carson also had another evaluation at the Behavior Clinic and got the official diagnosis of severe OCD. This wasn't a surprise for us especially since Al has some mild OCD himself. They are also sending Carson for some more extensive testing throughout April to look at all aspects of his behavior, intellect, social, and adaptability/sensory skills. He will be evaluated by many specialists and hopefully they will be able to put together a plan to assist in his IEP better this year and for future planning for grade school services. The Behavior Clinic still thinks that his IQ is up in the genius range but his outside diagnoses need to be addressed so he can reach his full potential in the classroom and socially. This testing should give us a better idea of what therapies and/or medications can assist Carson in this. He is such a bright and amazing kid that we are looking forward to seeing how new therapy specifically designed for him will help him harness himself so he can function at his top level.

Elias is growing more an more obstinate by the day. He is definitely going to give us a run for our money now and in the future. Poor Carson is relentlessly teased by Eli and his antics. Then our little 'angel' will grin and try to look as innocent as he can. We know better but Carson gets incredibly frustrated and rightfully so. Pneumonia hit Eli once again just over a week ago but at least it wasn't aspiration pneumonia (just good ol' normal pneumonia from crappy lungs) and he didn't need hospitalized. After steroids, antibiotics, and more breathing treatments than imaginable, our little man is on the mend and running around like a crazy man once again. Sleep is getting to be a fight every night with both boys in the same room and Eli is the main culprit. We have resorted to putting the kids to bed at different times and the other one has to be asleep before putting the second in the room. Eli has caught on to this however and will routinely go poke Carson or turn on the light to purposely wake him up. Any suggestions on a headstrong, active, ornery, almost 3 year old former preemie would be appreciated. It is fun to see his personality developing each day though.....even when we are exhausted!

2 weeks, 21", and other various #s

Whew, has it really been two weeks since my last post? Sorry about that. I have been in a bit of a blogging slump combined with an even more hectic schedule. Ludicrous, I know. First of all, let me start off by saying that we are all mostly healthy. This is great news considering our family dynamic! Secondly, I have tons to update on. Between the boys, work, our health, blizzards, school, and daily life, this post may get rather boring :) Try to stay with me...there might be pictures. Now where should I start?

Al: Nursing school started promptly on 2/25 for Mr. Dad and he is now attending classes three nights a week. He will graduate with his LPN next May after 4 consecutive 15 week semesters with 1 week mini-breaks in between. It's a huge step but he is throwing himself full force into studying and doing wonderfully so far. I'm quite proud of him for juggling school and working part time. It is not an easy task....trust me.

Me: Work is going awesome! I am back working full 12 hour shifts now and loving it. My incision and abdominal muscle gets very sore about halfway through the day but it is tolerable. My lifting restriction is up in April so only three more weeks to go until I can pick up my boys! I can.not.wait.

Carson: This boy just keeps getting more intelligent by the day. He is adding, subtracting, and spelling/reading. Growth is definitely a non-issue with the C-man and he is comfortably fitting (with adjustable waist pants) into 5s and 6s. He is 42lbs and almost 46" tall. Where is my baby going? We have been dealing some issues with his behaviors and activity level over the past two months and have changed his meds several times. Since the last med change, things have been much improved and he told us the other day, "I feel happy!". We have an apt with the psychologist on the 17th to make sure things are heading in the right direction. Carson also has a NEW girlfriend at school. Her name is Charlotte and he is in love. Today he even wore a special blue sweater because he knew Charlotte would like it! He is such a flirt.

Elias: Our little ham. Today we got awesome news. We had a joint meeting with his GI doctor and surgeon to discuss the recommendation of his motility doctor to re-do his Nissen fundoplication. Al and I have been worrying about this apt and upcoming surgery for the past month and today was a great stress reliever. Both doctor's agreed that the cons outweighed the pros of re-doing his Nissen at this time. His surgeon said that 2nd time fundos usually have slightly worse success rates and much higher complication rates. He said that he couldn't promise that Eli would be able to eat orally again but he could guarantee that Eli would be on tube feeds for at least 2 months post op due to swelling/retching. His surgeon usually only does fundo re-dos on neurologically devastated children who are likely to be tube fed for the rest of their lives. Eli definitely does not fall into this category and his surgeon is so happy with the progress that he has made and doesn't want the guaranteed regression of skills the surgery would entail. His GI ordered another video swallow study(VSS) to look at Eli's swallowing function to see how his aspiration from above is doing. If it looks good, they are going to manage his reflux with careful monitoring and pursue the Nissen re-do only if he keeps getting aspiration pneumonias. If the VSS looks like he is aspirating again, they will place a GJ button and take Eli off of oral liquids but keep him on oral solids to try and reduce him refluxing/swallowing and aspirating. They will also up his Prevacid dose from 30mg/day to 45mg/day. His GI wants to keep the goal of moving him closer to 'normal' if possible since the ultimate goal much further down the road is to get him off his tube entirely.

YAY!!! It was a great appointment. Now we just have to keep Eli's lungs healthy and pray that his VSS shows no aspiration or micro aspiration! It was a wonderful news for us all. Plus the little stinker is growing like a weed and is now almost 30lbs and 38" tall. Not bad for a micropreemie who had severe FTT at 14 months, huh?

So....that about does it for us. Aside from the GI bug Eli caught two weeks ago when he threw up for the first time since his fundo in May '06 (ACKKK!), Carson staying up for 40 hours straight last week due to mania, and the Blizzard of '08 with 21" of snow!! I hope everyone is doing well and staying healthy. Spring is (hopefully) right around the corner and the birds will be waking us up with their sweet songs soon enough.

Pizza Night!!

In response to an episode of Caillou Carson watched last week during one of the many snow days he had, we mixed dinner up a bit. All Carson has been talking about since seeing Caillou and his friends make pizzas with toppings in the shape of spiders and flies, is making his very own bug-filled delight. After Al came home from work yesterday we packed up the boys and headed over to the store for some grocery shopping. I decided to surprise the boys and let them pick out all of their own ingredients for baking pizzas! Carson was "super excited" and in no time he was calling himself Caillou and Eli, Rosie (Caillou's little sister!). They had a blast going through the grocery store pretending to be television characters and choosing what they needed to make pizzas. We ended up with black olives for spider and fly bodies and almond slivers for the legs. They insisted on a giant bag of cheese because then the spiders and flies would *stick* better to the pizza and not escape in the oven. We came home, unloaded our supplies, washed our hands, and started putting together pizzas like only little boys know how.



It was one of the best times we all have had making dinner in a long time. Al and I let them do everything themselves. Carson helped explain to Eli that the sauce went on the pizza crust and then the cheese. Seeing the different ways they each made their spiders and flies was fun too. They decided it was time to cook the bugs and eat so I popped their masterpieces into the oven (with a warning from Eli not to burn myself), and 10 minutes later the boys were gobbling down their dinner. See......watching TV can be good for kids.... :)

Semi - Speed Racer

Instead of spending my rare free time while the boys are napping today cleaning the house and getting dishes done, I played on the Internet and found this test. It is fun and had the added bonus of boosting my bragging rights when competing for the "Fastest Typer in the House" award***

How fast are your typing skills?

71 words

*** this award does not actually exist but the verbal boasting and bragging may ***

Profiler--updated

I was re-organizing my computer photo albums this past weekend in between work shifts (yes, I'm back to work...post on that later) and chasing the munchkins around and found some striking similarities in past pictures. Carson and Eli definately look similar from the front but their eyes are not only different colors (C-blue, E-hazel), but different shapes as well. Then in almost every profile pic I saw from Carson's earlier days I saw Eli's profile staring back at me. Here are two pics from the boys taken when they were both 29 months old.

Carson

Elias

After reading Billie's comment this morning, I decided to add a baby picture of myself to show everyone who the boys look like instead of just telling you. What do you think....do they look like me?

Me

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I have a lot to update on but for now I will just post two Vday pics from my two sweethearts. I'm being spoiled by construction paper hearts, incredibly tight hugs, and millions of kisses. This is what life is all about. What a truly blessed woman I am to have three amazing boys to love and to love me back!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

It's a WRAP

Eli had his esophageal manomatry testing today at Childrens as a follow-up to his impedence probe from the middle of December. The poor little man cried and I don't blame him. The tube for the probe was an 18 Fr (about the size of a pencil in diameter!) and he kept saying, "I don't want the tubie in my nose". I felt like the worst mother in the world. We made it through the 1.5 hours of testing and his motility team gathered the important information they were searching for. He definately has a delayed swallow with both liquids and solids but it looks like his motility all the way through his duodenum (the upper portion of your small intestine) is okay. With solids Eli cannot form a single bolus and swallow. He delays, forms 3-6 small swallows, and then takes forever to get them all down. This is leading to aspiration. He usually can get his liquid down in one bolus but the swallow is delayed.

I left the appointment trying to hold back tears so the boys didn't think mommy was crazy or that anything serious was wrong with Eli. I knew this moment was coming but it was SO HARD to actually HEAR it from the doctor. After compiling Eli's impedence probe results that did show aspiration with his reflux (yes, I did say reflux), his decrease in respiratory status since the early fall, the upper GI that showed no evidence of his fundo being intact, and the results of his esophageal manometry today......they are recommending Eli get his Nissen Fundoplication re-done as soon as possible. :( :( :( :( :( I knew those words were going to be spoken months ago. I knew Eli was refluxing again. I knew Eli's lungs were getting worse again. I knew Eli was choking, coughing, and wheezing. I knew I didn't want to ever hear those words again.

But I did. And it is a sad truth. But a truth we had to deal with because there is nothing left to do. Why does this have to be so hard? Another 5-6" incision down his abdomen through already scarred tissues. His surgeon will have to take out the mesh that is holding his abdominal wall together from the incisional hernia that developed after his first Nissen fundoplication surgery. Will they have to move his feeding tube site again? How will he react to anesthesia this time with his respiratory comprimise? He almost died from FTT after his last fundo, will it happen again?

All these questions and more won't stop running through my head. I just want to make everything better. But unfortunately a hug and kiss won't fix it all this time.

Get out your tissues....

... and go over to Bread Crumbs in the Butter and read this post on a mother's love for her children. It is beautifully written, touching, and yes....it might make you cry and go hug your kiddos even if they are already in bed for the night.

I am continually amazed at the amount of pure love I have for Carson and Elias. No one can prepare you for it. Explain it. Describe it. Until you have those perfect little human beings to call your own. Your children. Even when they aren't acting so perfect ;)

I love you boys. Forever and Always.

Being a mother has brought so many emotions from my own adoption up from the basement of my mind. I can't imagine how hard it was for my birth mother to make the decision to give me up for adoption because she knew she couldn't provide a good life for me. Does her heart still ache like a mother who can't hug her child? Or has she long since forgotten that 7lb 4.5oz baby delivered on February the 25th? The love my own mother has for me always astounds me as well. To wait for a child for 11 years through infertility, surgeries, and adoption processes is a pain I will never know or want to know. I can't imagine the emptyness longing for a baby and the overwhelming joy when that baby finally enters your life. My mother gave me a poem when I was young about adoption. It is one of my favorite poems and most treasured gifts. I believe the message holds true because a mother's love is endless and unable to be contained.

Not flesh of my flesh
Not bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart
But in it.

Feeling Lucky?

Okay, I must admit that I usually don't do these types of *tests* but this one over at DisappearingJohn RN caught my attention. Who doesn't want to know what color their lucky underware are? Well, since my lovely surgery is keeping me out of commission, I decided to find out for at least a little bit of fun. Check out my results and then find out your own lucky shade. I think the description matches me almost perfectly and Al agrees. Funny how quick internet quizzes based on a few questions can do that.

Your Lucky Underwear Is Red

You're confident and bold, and your lucky red underwear will only make you more sure of yourself. You have a great zest for life, and you tend to take on impossible goals - and succeed. When it comes to love, it's hard for you to take the time to open up. You're too busy conquering the world. So if you're looking for a little more romance, put on your red underpants. And see where their passion takes you!

What Color Is Your Lucky Underwear?

The end of a Great week

My mother in law just pulled out of the driveway to make the long drive home to Tennessee. She graciously took off an entire week of work to come help out with the boys while I recovered. Carson and Elias of course enjoyed every minute of Granny being here and ate up all the attention. They played trains, trucks, Play-Doh, firemen, make believe, made crafts, and did all kind of other fun little boy games. Even after much arguement from me and Al, she still did all the dishes and laundry in addition to help maintain the peace (or as much peace as we can have in our house). I basically felt like a lazy, couch potato which is pretty much what I have to be according to my post-op surgery appointment. I am only allowed to walk to and from the bathroom and the dinner table. Thank God for my wonderful MIL.



Carson burst into tears as soon as Granny walked out the door. He was an emotional wreck. You would have thought the poor kid's doggie had died. Following a long talk about how it's okay to feel sad when you miss someone and that Granny will be back again, Carson finally settled down and started teasing the crap out of Eli. Semi-normalcy in our household. Great. All joking aside, we will truly miss Mom and can't thank her enough for coming up and helping us out when we needed it. Thanks!

Five for Fighting

Please take a few minutes out of your day to stop by and watch this video on autism awareness. It will help raise money for autism research by just watching or you can choose to directly donate.

So many families are impacted by autism in this country and around the world that do not get the services needed for their children. Austism and spectrum disorders are becoming more and more frequently diagnosed in preemies, especially micropreemies. Unfortunately this is one of the areas that the neonatologists don't mention in "the talk" regarding possible long term effects of prematurity. Many parents of micropreemies today are not only finding that the horrid "catch-up by age 2" fantasy that most neonatologist and pediatricians feed us in the birth and NICU days is a blatant lie, but that neurological diagnoses like Autism are disproportionate in our children's population. We need more answers. We need more research. We need more services. We shouldn't have to fight tooth and nail to ensure our children get the appropriate medical and mental help to function and thrive.

I thank my little sister for working hard everyday with austic children. She is an inspiration to me as well as the families she touches each and every time she helps their beautiful children.

Rectus Abdominis Endometriomas -- BENIGN

All three masses (yes....two more grew since my MRI on 12/26) were BENIGN!! My surgeon had to take a lot more muscle out than he has anticipated due to the extra masses. The pathology came back today and all three were rectus abdominis endometriomas which mean they were a tumor growth of endometrial (uterine) tissue specifically confined to my abdominal muscle. There are different therories on why an endometrioma occurs including seeding from a prior abdominal operation or translocation of endometrial cells through the lymph system. Since I have had an emergency c-section under general for Eli's birth, a laparoscopy, and a complete abdominal hysterectomy, I definitely have the surgical history to invite endometrial tissue to spread. Unfortunately, according to a study in the British Journal of Radiology on rectus abdominis endometriomas since they were first described surgically in 1993, "Rectus abdominis endometrioma, wherein the endometrial focus is solely confined to within the body of the rectus abdominis muscle is rare and sparsely reported in literature with only 11 new cases since it was first described". I am sure there are more cases presenting in the literature than 11 with endometriomas confined specifically to the rectus abdominis muscle but research shows they are "highly unusual" and "very rare" occurrences. Leave it to me to develop a rare medical complication. Time to play the lotto :)

All joking aside, I am overjoyed that my masses were not malignant. Cancer is a scary word and disease. I have been in a state of haze in the past month worrying about all of the what-ifs of my future. Soft tissue sarcomas of the abdominal wall do not have great morbidity and mortality rates and having that possible diagnosis looming in the back of my mind (or in the front on some days!) was crazy at times. The pathology of my masses showed large levels of fibrotic tissue surrounding each mass. I haven't been able to talk to my surgeon specifically about the patho report but the fibrosis should not mean there was any desmoid tumor development at all. I can't wait to go to my post-op appointment on Wednesday and get a copy of my patho report and be able to ask questions and see what my long-term prognosis is. My surgeon did warn Al that I have a "extremely high risk" of herniation due to the large amount of muscle he needed to remove. I know prayers from so many people helped me get through this with a positive outcome and I will pray that I don't herniate and have to go under the knife yet again.

As far as recovery goes....things have been interesting. The whole left side of my abdomen is TIGHT. I am sore and can't move much at all. I have almost no core muscle strength for lifting my left left or trying to sit up/down. I can feel the muscle defect to the inside of my left hip and even through the swelling I can see that both sides most likely won't match up once I'm healed. It's a small price to pay though. My incision is about 3+ inches long vertically and about an inch to the left and down from my belly button. Al is taking wonderful care of me and I am living on the couch downstairs during the day and in bed upstairs at night. One trip of stairs each way per day. No more...I can't take it. So far I do have to say that it has been different kind of pain then my hysterectomy with less aching and more direct pain. Everything is connected to using your darn ab muscles!! The boys are loving on me and coloring me pictures to make me feel better (which of course does!). Thank God for Al's laptop or I would feel completely disconnected. I miss all of the babies at work and the amazing people I have the privilege of working with. Hopefully recovery will go smoothly and I will be back to health and work in no time.

Thanks again for all of the prayers and well-wishes. They worked! I'm home and healing and my masses were BENIGN!! Oh what a day!

Slice and Dice

Tomorrow morning I have to be at the hospital at 7:15. Bright and early. I only wish I could grab a nice raspberry white chocolate mocha from Starbucks on my way :) Too bad for that pesky NPO thing! Working five 12 hour shifts in the past six days definately helped keep me busy and keep my mind off of this surgery. I got to love on the babies at work and help nurse them into health. Seeing the care and concern my co-workers and families from work have for me was really touching. I will miss them all so much! I hope my recovery goes smoothly and I can be back to work in the NICU as soon as physically possible. But I am NERVOUS. N.E.R.V.O.U.S.

I remember all too well the recovery from this surgery. It was not fun then and they didn't even cut through muscle. This time they are cutting all of my muscle and the tumor OUT. Plus that pesky little "C" word won't stop lurking in the back of my mind. Al is going to want to strangle me (along with my nurses at the hospital I'm sure) until the pathology report is back post-op. Waiting for medical results is not something I'm good at. Neither is not knowing all of the exact details of an operation or outcome. Unfortunately I have to do all three in this situation. Life and God are teaching me through this trial and I am sure one day I will look back and be able to use these feelings in my work or life to help others. At least I hope so.

I most likely won't have an update until I am home from the hospital in 2-3 days because I don't think they have added wireless internet access there yet. My darling boys already have plans to make me "beautiful pictures" at school tomorrow and then bring them to the hospital to "make mommy's surgery boo-boos feel all better". God, where would I be without those two bright lights? Al is being great and holding me together and keeping up the all the boys' stuff. He is going to be one busy man in the coming weeks when I'm out of service. Thanks for all of the prayers and well wishes. They all mean so much. Give all of your kiddos hugs and kisses and I'll update once I have news and am home from the hospital.

Feeling like a Bad Parent?

This post from Finslippy will brighten any bad parenting day you may be having. Stop by but don't drink anything while reading each and every story and comment....I'm not responsible for any accidents if you do :)

Some days we just need to know other parents out there have those moments [and much worse] too!

The 3rd Degree and Other 2008 Happenings

Well, the new year has certainly been a busy one for our family. The boys have spent loads of time enjoying their gifts from Santa and all of our friends and family. Al and I have been tripping over trains and trucks for two weeks now. Work has kept us out of the house but having the opportunity to care the patients and families makes time spent away from the boys a bit easier. I finally got around to taking down all of the Christmas decorations on Monday before watching our poor Buckeyes loose to LSU :( Carson and Eli were sad to see the Christmas tree go away and my heart was breaking watching the game! We also have been blessed with several snowstorms over the past two weeks (in addition to absurd 70 degree weather and severe storms for a few days). C and E perfected their snowball techniques and seem to catch me off guard whenever my back is turned. Sneaky little men they are growing into.

A few sore spots in 2008 have also popped up in addition to all of our good times. Eli ended up with 2nd and 3rd degree burns on three of his fingers on his right had this past Sunday. We were at my parents' house and he touched the hot burner on the stove right after I took the tea pot off of it. He didn't cry once and calmly told the ER doctor that he "shouldn't touch the hot stove, only [his] playdough stove". I have been scrubbing the burns daily with soap and water, putting neosporin on them, and doing ROM since the burns are across his knuckles. He doesn't seem to notice any of it and is going about life as usual.

Carson's little rat also kicked the bucket this week. Wednesday Al and I were leaving to pick up the boys and I noticed Snow wasn't looking so hot. She looked deflated. Snow went to "doggie heaven" as Carson put it, shortly afterwards and when Al and I picked up the boys we told Carson the bad news. We gave him the option of getting a new rat or just sharing Eli's rat, Storm. He, of course, decided to got straight to the pet store and pick out a new rat. Our newest family member could be an even whiter clone of Snow appropriately named Blizzard by Carson. Storm and Blizzard are getting along well and Carson is healed from his grief.

I also have some bad medical news. I will be having surgery next Wednesday, 1/16. I have an abdominal wall tumor which is through my rectus abdominis muscle. They do not know what the tumor is but possible diagnosis are endometrioma, desmoid tumor, and soft tissue sarcoma. They will have to do a full thickness, wide, aggressive excision with >2cm margins due to the possibility of malignancy. I should have the pathology back within 48 hours. They may need to do a mesh graft of my abdominal wall due to the size of the muscle defect after the tumor is removed. They do not know how much tissue will need to be taken until they get in there and see how much it has grown since my MRI on 12/26. Wish me luck and pray that my recovery is fast and that it is not cancer. I need to get back to my family and my work as soon as possible.

Well, that is a wrap-up of 2008 so far. I have tons of great pictures to post but I need to upload them to my computer first. I have Sunday off of work so hopefully you will see some bright, shining Carson and Eli pics then.

A million presents!

Christmas morning I awake to hear footsteps to two small boys creeping UP the stairs and little voices whispering.


C- Shhhh Eli, it's not daylight outside yet and mommy said last night that we couldn't get up until daylight. Just hold on a few minutes and then we can wake them up.

E- Carson, I want my presents now! Can we get mommy now?

C- No Eli....be quiet. It's not time yet. We have to be quiet and watch for the sun.


Enter me.......


K- Boys, did Santa come last night and bring you presents?

C & E- Yes, yes, yes!


The boys come running into our room and jump onto our bed. Al is still most of the way asleep and groggy but the boys are W-I-D-E awake!


C- Santa brought a MILLION presents mommy! You should see them. There are so many more than last year. We must have been REALLY good!

K- He did? Wow....you didn't open any did you?

C- No, I woke up really early and went downstairs. I saw all of the wonderful presents and was so excited. I looked at them for awhile and then was really sneaky and went upstairs. I got down beside Eli's firetruck bed and whispered in his ear that Santa had been here and that he needed to GET UP. Then we went downstairs and looked at the presents some more. I could read the names on the presents so I started seperating them into piles for you. Mommy......get up....we need to go open them!

K- Did Santa eat the cookies we left him and give the carrots to the reindeer?

C- Hold on, let me go check.

* He took off running down the stairs and came back in less than 30 seconds.


C- Yes, Santa ate ALL the cookies and gave ALL the carrots to the reindeer! He even drank the white milk we left him in the mug. He must have been super hungry from bringing all of those super-cool presents to us.

K- Yes Carson. I bet he was hungry. Do you boys want to go open presents?

C & E- YES, YES, YES Mommy and Daddy.....can we p-l-e-a-s-e go downstairs now???

K & A- We certainly can.....