Sunday, February 24, 2008
It was one of the best times we all have had making dinner in a long time. Al and I let them do everything themselves. Carson helped explain to Eli that the sauce went on the pizza crust and then the cheese. Seeing the different ways they each made their spiders and flies was fun too. They decided it was time to cook the bugs and eat so I popped their masterpieces into the oven (with a warning from Eli not to burn myself), and 10 minutes later the boys were gobbling down their dinner. See......watching TV can be good for kids.... :)
Saturday, February 23, 2008
How fast are your typing skills?
*** this award does not actually exist but the verbal boasting and bragging may ***
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
After reading Billie's comment this morning, I decided to add a baby picture of myself to show everyone who the boys look like instead of just telling you. What do you think....do they look like me?
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day!!
Friday, February 08, 2008
I left the appointment trying to hold back tears so the boys didn't think mommy was crazy or that anything serious was wrong with Eli. I knew this moment was coming but it was SO HARD to actually HEAR it from the doctor. After compiling Eli's impedence probe results that did show aspiration with his reflux (yes, I did say reflux), his decrease in respiratory status since the early fall, the upper GI that showed no evidence of his fundo being intact, and the results of his esophageal manometry today......they are recommending Eli get his Nissen Fundoplication re-done as soon as possible. :( :( :( :( :( I knew those words were going to be spoken months ago. I knew Eli was refluxing again. I knew Eli's lungs were getting worse again. I knew Eli was choking, coughing, and wheezing. I knew I didn't want to ever hear those words again.
But I did. And it is a sad truth. But a truth we had to deal with because there is nothing left to do. Why does this have to be so hard? Another 5-6" incision down his abdomen through already scarred tissues. His surgeon will have to take out the mesh that is holding his abdominal wall together from the incisional hernia that developed after his first Nissen fundoplication surgery. Will they have to move his feeding tube site again? How will he react to anesthesia this time with his respiratory comprimise? He almost died from FTT after his last fundo, will it happen again?
All these questions and more won't stop running through my head. I just want to make everything better. But unfortunately a hug and kiss won't fix it all this time.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
I am continually amazed at the amount of pure love I have for Carson and Elias. No one can prepare you for it. Explain it. Describe it. Until you have those perfect little human beings to call your own. Your children. Even when they aren't acting so perfect ;)
I love you boys. Forever and Always.
Being a mother has brought so many emotions from my own adoption up from the basement of my mind. I can't imagine how hard it was for my birth mother to make the decision to give me up for adoption because she knew she couldn't provide a good life for me. Does her heart still ache like a mother who can't hug her child? Or has she long since forgotten that 7lb 4.5oz baby delivered on February the 25th? The love my own mother has for me always astounds me as well. To wait for a child for 11 years through infertility, surgeries, and adoption processes is a pain I will never know or want to know. I can't imagine the emptyness longing for a baby and the overwhelming joy when that baby finally enters your life. My mother gave me a poem when I was young about adoption. It is one of my favorite poems and most treasured gifts. I believe the message holds true because a mother's love is endless and unable to be contained.
Not flesh of my flesh
Not bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart
But in it.