Adoration

Just look at how Elias is smiling at Carson in this picture.



You can just tell how much he idolizes his big brother and wants to be just like him. It's great to finally see the boys playing with each other and getting along (for the most part). I think three and five are going to be a lot of fun, excitement, and learning for all of us.

Elementary School and Assessment Results

Today Al and I had a meeting to go over the results of Carson's comprehensive developmental assessment that was completed throughout the month of May. This program was fantastic and very thorough, covering all aspects of Carson's life: social, behavioral, intellectual, medical, psychological, and adaptive. They tested him from one end to the other as well as interviewing us, gathering data from his teachers and doctors/psychiatrists, and observation. Carson did splendidly during the hours and hours of exams and even told his pediatrician on Monday that the tests were "fun and like playing". Al and I were relieved to to hear him voice those feelings because most kids would be bored to tears with the academic hoops they had Carson jumping through for four days.

Overall we weren't shocked by anything the assessment found. They are not going to change any of the diagnoses he currently has in his medical record because the assessment confirms each one of them. He will still be listed with anxiety, ADHD, mania, and OCD. The only label they feel could possibly change in the future out of these 4 would be the ADHD due to overlapping symptoms from the anxiety and OCD causing ADHD-like behaviors at a young age.

The IQ testing only gave official proof for all of us that Carson is one bright little man. Most people who know Carson could have told you that years ago but it is always wonderful to hear professionals praising your child's intelligence. He excelled in pre-academic, academic, and verbal areas over all others and his lowest area was non-verbal communication which was also not a huge surprise. They found that Carson should definitely be in kindergarten this year and not in a third year at his special needs preschool program. He mastered all the pre-academic skills and almost every one of the kindergarten skills. The psychologist felt that Carson's behavior would spiral downhill if left in preschool again due to severe boredom. Their recommendation is a typical (YAY!) kindergarten classroom for this year. They want a specially modified IEP with a custom fit behavior plan incorporated into the schedule that is followed strictly. An aide for classroom redirection when Carson's anxiety and OCD kicks into overdrive will also be instituted into the IEP recommendations (hopefully the school will provide since the multi-factored evaluation has found it medically and psychologically necessary). A new speech evaluation will also be requested due to Carson's problems with pronunciation and articulation. They feel that since his vocabulary is very advanced, he is verbalizing complex words and gets frustrated when the sounds don't come out quite right. Hopefully some speech therapy will be instituted this year at school.

Carson is overjoyed to be going to kindergarten this year!! We came home and told him the great news and he was grinning from ear to ear. He couldn't wait to call his grandparents and tell them about becoming a big, grown-up kid. Al and I loved seeing him excited over education and such a large step in life. What a unique and special kiddo we are blessed to have.

The team also is doing a direct referral to a great psychiatrist here that works with behavioral therapy. He will work one-on-one with Carson and with us as a family to develop a plan to direct Carson's OCD and anxiety compulsions through behavior modification. He will help Carson learn how to redirect his energy and try to break the chain of OCD when he is *stuck* in a cycle. They will also give us tools to work with when he gets into a manic phase to help bring order and calmness back into view. This therapy is not a quick fix and will take a lot of hard work for Carson and for our family but this doctor is well known for his work. The team knows that Carson's intelligence and verbal skills will help him learn and utilize the behavioral therapy at a younger age because he is able to verbalize his feelings and thoughts more than most 5/6/7 year olds. We can't wait to get started.

Al and I won't have the official written report from all of the testing for a couple of weeks but the whole experience has been more than beneficial for Carson and our family. The assessment didn't really give us a lot of additional information on top of what we already knew about Carson based on observation and current diagnoses. However, the plans and connections we've made on top of the confidence Carson, as well as Al and I as parents, gained was more than worth the time and effort. Time to go hug our bright, sweet, KINDERGARTNER!!! (and then battle the school district for all of the new IEP conditions and the aide!)

Last week of June through the years

I thought it would be fun to see pictures of the boys as they have grown up and since it just happens to be the last week of June.....I picked pics from that very week of each year. Genius, I know. It was so much fun browsing through our archives and watching Carson and Elias grow from teeny weeny neonates into the crazy, rambuncious five and three year olds that they are today. Enjoy the trip down memory lane.

Carson at 2 weeks, 1 year, 2 years, 3 years, 4 years, and 5 years all in the last week of June.

Elias at 2 weeks, 1 year, 2 years, and 3 years in the last week of June.

Birthday Peek

Just a quick update and a few pics before I head to bed. Happy Birthday to our two amazing boys!!! Five years ago Carson arrived at 30 weeks gestation at 11:47 am. Three years ago Elias arrived at 25 weeks gestation by emergency c-section under general anesthesia at 1:48 pm. They are exactly 2 year, 2 hours, and 1 minute apart. And look at them now!!

Happy 5th Birthday Carson!!!

Happy 3rd Birthday Elias!!!

I can't believe they are growing up so fast. They both have strep throat today but we had a great day together anyway. I have TONS and TONS to update on. IEPs, developmental assessments, ER visits, two birthday parties, new height/weight stats, end of school wrap ups, and a vacation to TN. But for tonight I am going to leave you with a few sneak peeks of the birthday madness.

I promise I will get to the updating once the strep throat and doctor appointments settle down. Plus I have so many pictures to share that I'm busting at the seams to get them out to everyone!

Bark, Bark, Bark

After working exhausting 12, 12, 16, and 8 hr days in a row this weekend I pulled in the garage last night at 1145pm to find Carson in severe respiratory distress from croup. He had terrible stridor and was really struggling to get the air in and out. I grabbed him up and we headed back down to work to the ER. They took him right back to a room and started racemic epi on him because he was satting 87. His temp was 101.2 so he was loaded up with Tylenol for the fever and then Decadron to help reduce the swelling in his airway. Carson's subglottic stenosis makes any additional swelling in his upper airway very severe but last night was one of the worst times I have ever seen him. His asthma was acting up also so he had two rounds of Albuterol to help calm the wheezing. Once they had his sats back in the 93-95 range we were off to x-ray. Thankfully it only showed croup and no pneumonia so they didn't need to add antibiotics to the list of meds for the night.

Carson started to have some rebound stridor around 2am so they kept us until 0430 to make sure he was not going to go into distress again and need intubated. Several popsicles and cuddles later, Carson and I finally made it home with q4hr Albuterol, Orapred, Tylenol, and a much more milder form of stridor. It was a long night and we both slept in until 0930 this morning. Carson saw his regular ped at 1145 today and they said just to continue the Orapred (steriods) for 4 more days, keep him on the Albuterol, and watch the stridor for the next two nights.

Al and I were just talking yesterday about how the kids hadn't been in the hospital for a few months. I guess we should have kept our mouths shut. The very long arm of prematurity keep extending it's reach year after year and touching our lives in so many ways. It is amazing to me that almost 5 years after Carson's birth the intubation and ventilation that saved his life, is still having a negative impact. He is our first little wonder but I wish he didn't have to go through these trials so frequently. It never gets easier to see him struggling to breathe during an asthma attack or when he gets croup. Please send prayers that our little wildman gets well soon.

Backseat Ramblings

On the way home from picking up the boys from Gigi and Bobpop's house tonight the boys were chatting up their futures in the backseat.


E - "Mommy, I want to say goodnight to the moon tonight."
C - "Eli, the moon is not out now! There are clouds! Mommy, why can't you see the moon when there are clouds?"

Me - "The clouds are between us and the moon so they block our view of the moon."

C - "Oh, I see, so the moon is really high up in the sky where astronaut go -- I want to be an astronaut when I grow up."
E - "I want to be a moon when I grow up!"
C - "Eli, you CAN NOT be the moon when you grow up because you are a h-u-m-a-n b-e-i-n-g!!"
E- "Can I be a dinosaur?"


I just love listening to their little minds work. The play-by-play between brothers is priceless as well.

More Mother's Day Pics

Gifts from the Heart

"Happy Mother's Day!" rang out from the hallway this morning at 6:50am from two overly excited little boys. Carson and Elias jumped into our bed and showered me with kisses and hugs. What a blessed mommy I am. Once Al and I were able to wake up, stretch, and convince the boys that fitting the dog and four people in our bed was not the best choice for the morning, we made our way downstairs to open up handmade preschool Mother's Day presents. The boys could barely contain their glee as they ran to get the cards and crafts all their energy and hard work went into. Of course I made a HUGE spectacle over how wonderful each handwritten name, molded clay, and painted wooden box were because as every mother knows......these are the best gifts you can receive (aside from kisses and hugs!).

Carson crafted a wooden jewelry box that he painted with green and blue paint. He added glitter on top and pink hearts on the front because, "he loves me SOOOOO much". The bag it came in was also a Carson creation complete with a hand print tulip with fingerprint stem and leaves. He said I can keep my wedding rings and bracelets in it for when I go to work so they don't get lost. What a smart, sweet boy I have.

Elias molded a textured clay paperweight with all kinds of different designs on the top. It was wrapped in blue tissue paper and then had a white, lacy, dyed card attached that said "Happy Mother's Day 2008" on the front. Etched in the back of the paperweight was his name and the date. I think I'll keep it on my nightstand upstairs.

Both boys also made me cards and bought me a Snoopy card as well. Daddy cleaned my house top to bottom while I was working the past few days. This included cleaning our carpets and re-organizing my closet! I also received an amazingly sweet card from him as well. We are heading over to my parent's house for an indoor cookout (of course it rains today) this afternoon. Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies we know, especially Mom, Mom, Great Granny, Grandma Helen, Aunt Ty, and Connie. I hope you all have a fantastic day full of love just as we are.

Precisely

Stolen from Liz

To You, My Sisters (and Brothers!)
by Maureen K. Higgins

Many of you I have never even met face to face, but I've searched you out every day. I've looked for you on the Internet, on playgrounds and in grocery stores. I've become an expert at identifying you. You are well worn. You are stronger than you ever wanted to be. Your words ring experience, experience you culled with your very heart and soul. You are compassionate beyond the expectations of this world. You are my "sisters."

Yes, you and I, my friend, are sisters in a sorority. A very elite sorority. We are special. Just like any other sorority, we were chosen to be members. Some of us were invited to join immediately, some not for months or even years. Some of us even tried to refuse membership, but to no avail.

We were initiated in neurologist's offices and NICU units, in obstetrician's offices, in emergency rooms, and during ultrasounds. We were initiated with somber telephone calls, consultations, evaluations, blood tests, x-rays, MRI films, and heart surgeries. All of us have one thing in common. One day things were fine. We were pregnant, or we had just given birth, or we were nursing our newborn, or we were playing with our toddler. Yes, one minute everything was fine. Then, whether it happened in an instant, as it often does or over the course of a few weeks or months, our entire lives changed. Something wasn't quite right. Then we found ourselves mothers of children with special needs.

We are united, we sisters, regardless of the diversity of our children's special needs. Some of our children undergo chemotherapy. Some need respirators and ventilators. Some are unable to talk, some are unable to walk. Some eat through feeding tubes. Some live in a different world. We do not discriminate against those mothers whose children's needs are not as "special" as our child's. We have mutual respect and empathy for all the women who walk in our shoes.

We are knowledgeable. We have educated ourselves with whatever materials we could find. We know "the" specialists in the field. We know "the" neurologists, "the" hospitals, "the" wonder drugs, "the" treatments. We know "the" tests that need to be done, we know "the" degenerative and progressive diseases and we hold our breath while our children are tested for them. Without formal education, we could become board certified in neurology, endocrinology, and physiatry. We have taken on our insurance companies and school boards to get what our children need to survive, and to flourish. We have prevailed upon the State to include augmentative communication devices in special education classes and mainstream schools for our companies the medical necessity of gait trainers and other adaptive equipment for our children with spinal cord defects. We have sued municipalities to have our children properly classified so they could receive education and evaluation commensurate with their diagnosis.

We have learned to deal with the rest of the world, even if that means walking away from it. We have tolerated scorn in supermarkets during "tantrums" and gritted our teeth while discipline was advocated by the person behind us in line. We have tolerated inane suggestions and home remedies from well-meaning strangers. We have tolerated mothers of children without special needs complaining about chicken pox and ear infections. We have learned that many of our closest friends can't understand what it's like to be in our sorority, and don't even want to try. We have our own personal copies of Emily Peri Kingsley's "A Trip To Holland" and Erma Bombeck's "The Special Mother." We keep them by our bedside and read and reread them during our toughest hours.

We have coped with holidays. We have found ways to get our physically handicapped children to the neighbors' front doors on Halloween, and we have found ways to help our deaf children form the words, "trick or treat". We have accepted that our children with sensory dysfunction will never wear velvet or lace on Christmas. We have painted a canvas of lights and a blazing Yule log with our words for our blind children. We have pureed turkey on Thanksgiving. We have bought white chocolate bunnies for Easter. And all the while, we have tried to create a festive atmosphere for the rest of our family.

We've gotten up every morning since our journey began wondering how we'd make it through another day, and gone to bed every evening not sure how we did it. We've mourned the fact that we never got to relax and sip red wine in Italy. We've mourned the fact that our trip to Holland has required much more baggage than we ever imagined when we first visited the travel agent. And we've mourned because we left for the airport without most of the things we needed for the trip.

But we, sisters, we keep the faith always. We never stop believing. Our love for our special children and our belief in all that they will achieve in life knows no bounds. We dream of them scoring touchdowns and extra points and home runs. We visualize them running sprints and marathons. We dream of them planting vegetable seeds, riding horses and chopping down trees. We hear their angelic voices singing Christmas carols. We see their palettes smeared with watercolors, and their fingers flying over ivory keys in a concert hall. We are amazed at the grace of their pirouettes. We never, never stop believing in all they will accomplish as they pass through this world.

But in the meantime, my sisters, the most important thing we do, is hold tight to their little hands as together, we special mothers and our special children, reach for the stars.

March for Babies

Our March for Babies to support the March of Dimes was this Sunday. Here are a few pics of the boys. Elias is holding a beanie baby that we used to measure his size in the NICU and Carson is holding one of his first size diapers from his NICU days. They certainly have come a long way and we have to thank the March of Dimes for their research in prematurity for helping them be here. A special thanks to everyone who helped support our walk this year. Research into the causes and effects of prematurity is vital to all of us.

A close-up of Elias' shirt

Elias with his NICU beanie baby bear

Elias today with his NICU beanie

Close-up of Carson's shirt

Carson in the NICU w/ his first diaper

Carson today with the same size diaper

And finally..... a kiss goodbye!

Scootin' Around

Yesterday Al and I surprised the boys with a trip to Target to buy them each a brand new scooter. Target had many different styles on sale for $19 and we thought they would be the perfect thing to take on our camping weekends instead of hauling their bikes along with us. Carson picked out a two wheeler Spiderman scooter because he was "big enough to balance like the cool kids". Eli insisted on following suit with the Spiderman theme and grabbed up a three wheeled webbed design of his very own. Our car couldn't get home fast enough!! The boys [not] so patiently watched us put their new toys together and then hit the pavement. Literally. For both of them.

It was a learning experience and a bandaid and some kisses later, the two of them were out scooting around the sidewalks again. Carson is a pro because he has been practicing at Gigi and Bobpop's house since last summer on their scooters. Eli has a long way to go. Yesterday was more of an "I'll stand on it Daddy and you push me" kind of day for Mr. E. Today the little stinker caught on after watching Carson glide with freedom up and down the block. Jealousy is a wonderful motivator. Thank goodness the weather has been absolutely perfect for outside play the past few days. The boys have come in for bedtime covered from head to toe in dirt and scrapes ready for baths and bedtime stories. How I have longed for the spring to come so our little explorers could get grubby like little boys should. I would strongly suggest picking up a scooter if you have young kiddos for a cheap and fun spring/summer outside toy. They are fantastic! (the bonus core strength and balance PT training Eli will be getting is just a plus!!)

Cheers!

Eli has yet another video swallow study (VSS) this morning. I have lost count on how many this makes for our little man but the number is getting way up there. He did great and Al and I couldn't be more proud of him. Thankfully we do not have to go back to thickening everything again but modifications are necessary to help protect Eli's airway from aspiration. If someone would have told me that almost three years into this micropreemie journey we would STILL be dealing with aspiration and dysphagia, I wouldn't have believed it. We have come a l-o-n-g way though.

This morning Eli was well behaved and cooperative for once and followed directions to the letter. We should have taken the video camera :) With a sippy cup including a valve, Eli was safe on thin liquids!!! Unfortunately he demonstrated extremely large boluses, deep laryngeal penetration, and high risk for aspiration when drinking out of an open cup or sippy with no valve. Eli loves being a big boy and using open cups but everyone agreed that he is no longer allowed to touch the things and must go back to "baby cups" as he calls them. So, Al and I are off to shop for some new sippy cups with valves to replace his super cool big boy cups that match all of his plate sets. After his cyanotic episode last Wednesday from aspirating Starbucks' Apple Spice, we aren't taking any chances. I never want to see Eli trying to imitate a smurf again!!

As for the pocketing of food and choking on solids, the OT and speech therapist recommended Eli start back with feeding therapy at school. They said that because he is hypotonic (low tone) in his mouth and most of his trunk that he doesn't realize there is that much food in his mouth or what to do with it. They also think there may be some sensory issues involved as well. So, back to the drawing table to get Eli eating meats and breads safely. It will all be worth it though. He has already come so far with his tube feeds and therapy. Someday we may just get rid of that MIC-key button after all!

Al and I are so proud of our little man. He is chugging along and taking baby steps to get there the entire time charming the lead vents off the radiologists, therapists, and doctors. Boy are we in trouble....

Finders, Keepers

****POST REMOVED****

Just living life...

... one day at a time. I have been working a bunch of hours in the past few weeks to help make up for my missed time from surgery and to pay off our never-ending medical bills. Adding two shifts a week has been a bit exhausting but it has allowed me to prioritize the time I have off from work into more meaningful time with Al and the boys. Carson and Eli are getting so grown up and it seems like everyday they are learning a million new things and adding to their increasingly complex personalities. It is a wonderful evolution. How can they be closing in on turning 3 and 5 in two short months??? I no longer have babies (or even toddlers) and we are chugging full force into a truly fun-filled time.

Carson is growing like a weed on Miracle Grow right now. His appetite is ferocious and our grocery bill is expanding weekly. I can only imagine what it will be like when they boys are teenagers!! The all boy phase of army play accompanied by fake gun noises and gear has begun in addition to potty jokes that can have him hyperventilating on the floor like a silly school girl. Gotta love little boys. Carson also had another evaluation at the Behavior Clinic and got the official diagnosis of severe OCD. This wasn't a surprise for us especially since Al has some mild OCD himself. They are also sending Carson for some more extensive testing throughout April to look at all aspects of his behavior, intellect, social, and adaptability/sensory skills. He will be evaluated by many specialists and hopefully they will be able to put together a plan to assist in his IEP better this year and for future planning for grade school services. The Behavior Clinic still thinks that his IQ is up in the genius range but his outside diagnoses need to be addressed so he can reach his full potential in the classroom and socially. This testing should give us a better idea of what therapies and/or medications can assist Carson in this. He is such a bright and amazing kid that we are looking forward to seeing how new therapy specifically designed for him will help him harness himself so he can function at his top level.

Elias is growing more an more obstinate by the day. He is definitely going to give us a run for our money now and in the future. Poor Carson is relentlessly teased by Eli and his antics. Then our little 'angel' will grin and try to look as innocent as he can. We know better but Carson gets incredibly frustrated and rightfully so. Pneumonia hit Eli once again just over a week ago but at least it wasn't aspiration pneumonia (just good ol' normal pneumonia from crappy lungs) and he didn't need hospitalized. After steroids, antibiotics, and more breathing treatments than imaginable, our little man is on the mend and running around like a crazy man once again. Sleep is getting to be a fight every night with both boys in the same room and Eli is the main culprit. We have resorted to putting the kids to bed at different times and the other one has to be asleep before putting the second in the room. Eli has caught on to this however and will routinely go poke Carson or turn on the light to purposely wake him up. Any suggestions on a headstrong, active, ornery, almost 3 year old former preemie would be appreciated. It is fun to see his personality developing each day though.....even when we are exhausted!

2 weeks, 21", and other various #s

Whew, has it really been two weeks since my last post? Sorry about that. I have been in a bit of a blogging slump combined with an even more hectic schedule. Ludicrous, I know. First of all, let me start off by saying that we are all mostly healthy. This is great news considering our family dynamic! Secondly, I have tons to update on. Between the boys, work, our health, blizzards, school, and daily life, this post may get rather boring :) Try to stay with me...there might be pictures. Now where should I start?

Al: Nursing school started promptly on 2/25 for Mr. Dad and he is now attending classes three nights a week. He will graduate with his LPN next May after 4 consecutive 15 week semesters with 1 week mini-breaks in between. It's a huge step but he is throwing himself full force into studying and doing wonderfully so far. I'm quite proud of him for juggling school and working part time. It is not an easy task....trust me.

Me: Work is going awesome! I am back working full 12 hour shifts now and loving it. My incision and abdominal muscle gets very sore about halfway through the day but it is tolerable. My lifting restriction is up in April so only three more weeks to go until I can pick up my boys! I can.not.wait.

Carson: This boy just keeps getting more intelligent by the day. He is adding, subtracting, and spelling/reading. Growth is definitely a non-issue with the C-man and he is comfortably fitting (with adjustable waist pants) into 5s and 6s. He is 42lbs and almost 46" tall. Where is my baby going? We have been dealing some issues with his behaviors and activity level over the past two months and have changed his meds several times. Since the last med change, things have been much improved and he told us the other day, "I feel happy!". We have an apt with the psychologist on the 17th to make sure things are heading in the right direction. Carson also has a NEW girlfriend at school. Her name is Charlotte and he is in love. Today he even wore a special blue sweater because he knew Charlotte would like it! He is such a flirt.

Elias: Our little ham. Today we got awesome news. We had a joint meeting with his GI doctor and surgeon to discuss the recommendation of his motility doctor to re-do his Nissen fundoplication. Al and I have been worrying about this apt and upcoming surgery for the past month and today was a great stress reliever. Both doctor's agreed that the cons outweighed the pros of re-doing his Nissen at this time. His surgeon said that 2nd time fundos usually have slightly worse success rates and much higher complication rates. He said that he couldn't promise that Eli would be able to eat orally again but he could guarantee that Eli would be on tube feeds for at least 2 months post op due to swelling/retching. His surgeon usually only does fundo re-dos on neurologically devastated children who are likely to be tube fed for the rest of their lives. Eli definitely does not fall into this category and his surgeon is so happy with the progress that he has made and doesn't want the guaranteed regression of skills the surgery would entail. His GI ordered another video swallow study(VSS) to look at Eli's swallowing function to see how his aspiration from above is doing. If it looks good, they are going to manage his reflux with careful monitoring and pursue the Nissen re-do only if he keeps getting aspiration pneumonias. If the VSS looks like he is aspirating again, they will place a GJ button and take Eli off of oral liquids but keep him on oral solids to try and reduce him refluxing/swallowing and aspirating. They will also up his Prevacid dose from 30mg/day to 45mg/day. His GI wants to keep the goal of moving him closer to 'normal' if possible since the ultimate goal much further down the road is to get him off his tube entirely.

YAY!!! It was a great appointment. Now we just have to keep Eli's lungs healthy and pray that his VSS shows no aspiration or micro aspiration! It was a wonderful news for us all. Plus the little stinker is growing like a weed and is now almost 30lbs and 38" tall. Not bad for a micropreemie who had severe FTT at 14 months, huh?

So....that about does it for us. Aside from the GI bug Eli caught two weeks ago when he threw up for the first time since his fundo in May '06 (ACKKK!), Carson staying up for 40 hours straight last week due to mania, and the Blizzard of '08 with 21" of snow!! I hope everyone is doing well and staying healthy. Spring is (hopefully) right around the corner and the birds will be waking us up with their sweet songs soon enough.

Pizza Night!!

In response to an episode of Caillou Carson watched last week during one of the many snow days he had, we mixed dinner up a bit. All Carson has been talking about since seeing Caillou and his friends make pizzas with toppings in the shape of spiders and flies, is making his very own bug-filled delight. After Al came home from work yesterday we packed up the boys and headed over to the store for some grocery shopping. I decided to surprise the boys and let them pick out all of their own ingredients for baking pizzas! Carson was "super excited" and in no time he was calling himself Caillou and Eli, Rosie (Caillou's little sister!). They had a blast going through the grocery store pretending to be television characters and choosing what they needed to make pizzas. We ended up with black olives for spider and fly bodies and almond slivers for the legs. They insisted on a giant bag of cheese because then the spiders and flies would *stick* better to the pizza and not escape in the oven. We came home, unloaded our supplies, washed our hands, and started putting together pizzas like only little boys know how.



It was one of the best times we all have had making dinner in a long time. Al and I let them do everything themselves. Carson helped explain to Eli that the sauce went on the pizza crust and then the cheese. Seeing the different ways they each made their spiders and flies was fun too. They decided it was time to cook the bugs and eat so I popped their masterpieces into the oven (with a warning from Eli not to burn myself), and 10 minutes later the boys were gobbling down their dinner. See......watching TV can be good for kids.... :)

Semi - Speed Racer

Instead of spending my rare free time while the boys are napping today cleaning the house and getting dishes done, I played on the Internet and found this test. It is fun and had the added bonus of boosting my bragging rights when competing for the "Fastest Typer in the House" award***

How fast are your typing skills?

71 words

*** this award does not actually exist but the verbal boasting and bragging may ***

Profiler--updated

I was re-organizing my computer photo albums this past weekend in between work shifts (yes, I'm back to work...post on that later) and chasing the munchkins around and found some striking similarities in past pictures. Carson and Eli definately look similar from the front but their eyes are not only different colors (C-blue, E-hazel), but different shapes as well. Then in almost every profile pic I saw from Carson's earlier days I saw Eli's profile staring back at me. Here are two pics from the boys taken when they were both 29 months old.

Carson

Elias

After reading Billie's comment this morning, I decided to add a baby picture of myself to show everyone who the boys look like instead of just telling you. What do you think....do they look like me?

Me

Happy Valentine's Day!!

I have a lot to update on but for now I will just post two Vday pics from my two sweethearts. I'm being spoiled by construction paper hearts, incredibly tight hugs, and millions of kisses. This is what life is all about. What a truly blessed woman I am to have three amazing boys to love and to love me back!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

It's a WRAP

Eli had his esophageal manomatry testing today at Childrens as a follow-up to his impedence probe from the middle of December. The poor little man cried and I don't blame him. The tube for the probe was an 18 Fr (about the size of a pencil in diameter!) and he kept saying, "I don't want the tubie in my nose". I felt like the worst mother in the world. We made it through the 1.5 hours of testing and his motility team gathered the important information they were searching for. He definately has a delayed swallow with both liquids and solids but it looks like his motility all the way through his duodenum (the upper portion of your small intestine) is okay. With solids Eli cannot form a single bolus and swallow. He delays, forms 3-6 small swallows, and then takes forever to get them all down. This is leading to aspiration. He usually can get his liquid down in one bolus but the swallow is delayed.

I left the appointment trying to hold back tears so the boys didn't think mommy was crazy or that anything serious was wrong with Eli. I knew this moment was coming but it was SO HARD to actually HEAR it from the doctor. After compiling Eli's impedence probe results that did show aspiration with his reflux (yes, I did say reflux), his decrease in respiratory status since the early fall, the upper GI that showed no evidence of his fundo being intact, and the results of his esophageal manometry today......they are recommending Eli get his Nissen Fundoplication re-done as soon as possible. :( :( :( :( :( I knew those words were going to be spoken months ago. I knew Eli was refluxing again. I knew Eli's lungs were getting worse again. I knew Eli was choking, coughing, and wheezing. I knew I didn't want to ever hear those words again.

But I did. And it is a sad truth. But a truth we had to deal with because there is nothing left to do. Why does this have to be so hard? Another 5-6" incision down his abdomen through already scarred tissues. His surgeon will have to take out the mesh that is holding his abdominal wall together from the incisional hernia that developed after his first Nissen fundoplication surgery. Will they have to move his feeding tube site again? How will he react to anesthesia this time with his respiratory comprimise? He almost died from FTT after his last fundo, will it happen again?

All these questions and more won't stop running through my head. I just want to make everything better. But unfortunately a hug and kiss won't fix it all this time.